I can't do it myself

I’ve been struggling with an old trait, behaviour, whatever you & I choose to call it, for a very long time.  I thought I had gotten it under control...but circumstances being as it is, I know I haven’t.  What continues to rear it’s ugly head is my out of control, bursting out emotions.

Yes, it gets ugly too.

It happens when I’m tired, exhausted, sleep-deprived, stressed, unhappy and doubtful.  Probably a few more adjectives that I can’t seem to name right now.  I’m getting stressed just writing this.  At times I’ve yelled at the neighbors above me because for years, they’ve been so darn noisy. There are times I feel as though I truly hate them. Terrible (smh).  Road rage is something else. No, I don’t yell at the other drivers, I just call them not so nice names i.e. “idiots, stupid, jerks…”  No cursing though.  I don’t go that far.  Still not nice though.  I always feel bad afterwards and even during especially when I tell myself to calm down BEFORE I get really riled up .  The people above me have always behaved in the manner they’ve displayed since I moved in and every driver is for themselves as if they are the proverbial “only ones on the road” blah, blah, blah.  My job is stressful (social work) and my co-worker doesn’t help the situation.  I need to get a grip on my emotions.

I think that a lot of the times I try to do it on my own accord.  I have to give it to GOD then leave it with Him, yet show Him that I mean it by not embracing the negative reaction I know I’m going to display if I don’t.  What use to work for me would be reciting words of praise and affirmation about my faith and Him when stress would come.  I’ve forgotten to do this now.  I’m ashamed at myself for this.  I’m not going to give up though.  I’m going to keep thanking GOD for deliverance from myself.  I’m going to ask the Holy Spirit for guidance and then receive it FOR REAL because GOD is REAL.

Well, anywho, this is my thought for today.  What’s on my heart.  If you’re going through the same thing of trying to control your out of control emotions, don’t give up.  Just give in---to the Creator who has created you and me for better things then acting like we’ve lost our minds. :-)