Random Thoughts

I'm sitting here at work thinking about what I need to do before my trip, to see my mom this week for her birthday.  During this time I'm also trying to relax my brain.  Now, how can I do both?  This just tells me or rather signifies the truth that I don't really know how to"relax." Sad.  All kinds of thoughts flow through so much so that I can't stand to hear anything.  I know when I get in my car this evening, I'll have silence.  I did the majority of the way here.  No radio.  No music. Nothing.  Now, it's quite in the house. The Client has returned to her room.  I'm going to try and shut my mind down for the rest of my shift.  I hope it works. 

As long as it's groovin' then I'm movin'

“I love music.  Any kind of music.”  That’s just a small snippet of a song back in the day.  I think the 70’s.  I loved that song as a kid.  It was true for me then and it is now.  Music.  It gets me movin’.  The melodies, high notes, low notes, the drama of it and the quiet, still of the tempo.  If the lyrics are good, it makes the song even better.  Music can make me travel out of my day.  There’s a song by the Doobie Brothers that takes me back to the time I had my ‘74 Red Mustang, stick shift with the sunroof top.  Wind blowing through.  My hair flowing all around.  It was summer and I was on my way to work.   My grandmother bought it for me.  She also taught me how to drive it that first day.   My first car. Man! I was it!  It still brings a smile to my face.  Music can be and is very therapeutic.  Oh wait!  I said I love “any kind of music” but I actually have a few short lines that I won’t cross.  Old Rap, yes. Is one.  I like that.  The so-called new “rap” of today...can’t take it.  My preference people.

Music can soothe “the savage beast” or a troubled soul if that’s more understandable.  Look at Saul in 1 Samuel 16:23.  There was an “...evil spirit…” on Saul and when David played his harp, the spirit left Saul.  Another example is in Psalm where it speaks of praising GOD with all types of instruments along with singing and dancing.  Now, let’s not get crazy with the idea of dancing. I know the bible doesn’t mean the “booty shaking” type of moves that’s done today. :-)  Music is everything and it’s a universal language that can speak to one’s soul.  So, when you’re feeling blue, crank up some good, inspirational sounds.  Classical, good-smooth-happy jazz, instrumental, Gospel, Christian, clean pop music like “Happy” (I know some people are sick of it) or maybe Kelly Clarkson’s “Stronger (What doesn’t kill you)” or whatever.  As long as the words are inspirational and not condemning or consuming to the soul.  Just relax, release and enjoy.  Free yourself in music and song and, if you dare yourself, give Jesus some praise in it too.  That’s the best remedy of all.  Oh! I like that song too (Remedy - Jason Mraz)! :-)

This world needs as intervention!

I watched “Intervention” on the A&E website today.  It was about a 24 years old woman named Megan.  To summarize it: her mother left her and her brothers or brother and sister (I can’t remember what sex the other sibling was) at the age of 11 yrs. old because as her mother put it, “I deserved to have a life too…” because Megan’s father worked on an average of 60 hours a week and left her mom with the children.  The father didn’t spend time with his children either.  At the age of 14, Megan was reunited with her mom and her new boyfriend who, later on, raped her and continued to do so for about 4 - 5 months.  She told her mom but her mother blamed Megan saying that she “enticed him...dressed provocatively like a whore…” and called her a slut.  The mother called the father but he did nothing because as he put it, “...I thought her mother would…” which was pretty pathetic.  Her mother chose to remain with the boyfriend and left with him to another state because she “...loved him and wanted to make a life with him…”  Now, with all of this, it’s no wonder that Megan got into drugs, drinking and theft.  She was abandoned by both parents.  At the age of 22, she had an ongoing addiction to heroin for 2 years.  During the intervention, her mother still had the same mindset of “...I deserve to be happy.  Why shouldn’t I have a life?”

This just sums up how this world is.  It’s selfish, delusional, chaotic and whatever else label fits.  Why?  Because of sin.  Why?  Because as old as time itself, people rather rule themselves and think, no, believe their lives are their own and they deserve to be happy.  “I have a right to be happy...It’s my life and no one is going to tell me what to do...Look out for number 1…” on and on.  Well, I tell you, that’s not it.  We are suppose to help each other in whatever we’re blessed with.   This country, like Megan’s parents, has abandoned Jesus Christ.  Yes, it’s true.  Also, we need to stop leaving GOD out of our lives.  That’s where the intervention comes in.  This country was founded on basic Christian principles but this country has gotten so far from it that it’s lost it’s dang mind.  Look at all of the chaos going on.  It’s ridiculous.  All because some Americans are saying Jesus has no place in this country.  What?  I can remember when the World Trade Center attacks happened, people couldn’t get enough of Jesus. “Pray for us...pray for this nation…”  But after everything seemed to get “back to normal” then He was put off to the side again.  SMH.  Jesus did not come here to sacrifice His life, die and then rise again to give us a way to redemption just so that this country, this world can go to Hell literally.  Ok, not everyone is jacked up totally but still, it’s just, it’s still a mess.  Here’s the intervention I believe is needed:  allow Christ back into this United States of America.  Allow Christ back into your hearts if He was once there.  If not, let Him in now.  Let’s seek Him.  Let’s turn this country back into what it was meant to be: a great nation.  Come on!  Let’s stop being selfish, prideful, mislead by darkness and enter into His marvelous light.  I guarantee that if that happens, no one will be disappointed.  It may not happen overnight but it will be glorious when it does happen.  Think about it.

A mother's love

My mother’s birthday is next month.  For a long time now (I can’t remember how long though), I think of what my being here has done for her.  Now, hold on!  I’m not being selfish, conceited or anything like that.  What I mean is, she sacrificed a lot to allow me to be born.  That’s all I’ll say.  Because of that, her dreams (that I had found out later on in life) was to be a singer.  She has a beautiful voice and I’m not just saying that.  Countless people who had heard my mom sing over the years had mentioned it and even on the radio when a song came on that she use to sing.  So, again, she gave up that dream and a couple more.  Life has not been kind to her and she always worked hard to provide for us.

I think about how much better her life probably would have turned out if I hadn’t been born or lived during childbirth.  I think it would have been better.  I’m the oldest so I can say this.  Everyday I do what I can to show her that I love her (not for giving birth to me because and I hate saying this because I know GOD’s not pleased but it’s still in me to say, I would have preferred to not have been born but GOD didn’t ask me for His permission) for giving up her dreams of a better life.  She has told me she loves me and that she hasn’t regretted my birth but I feel as if I owe it to her so every birthday, I do my best to make it a great one.  Is it out of guilt?  No, it’s out of love for her.  I use to think it was but that was a long time ago.  Nope, I love her.  She’s kind, extremely giving and helpful, loving, smart, GOD-fearing (i.e. respect for Him), etc.  I’m glad she’s my mom and I would have no other.  So see, this isn’t about me; it’s about her and my thoughts of how to show her she’s loved on her day of birth and through out.  It’s just that I go all out on this one.  I wish I could do so much more for her but at this present moment, I do what I can with what has been given me.  When Jesus blesses me with more, then I’ll shower her with more.  She’s such a blessing to me and I love her.  Like that old song by “The Intruders” in ‘73 said, “I’ll always love my mama…”    Take a listen here.  Enjoy!  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GjxlguPYo0 or  https://youtu.be/3GjxlguPYo0

Am I hooked?

I love coffee.  Flavored coffees actually.  I was never big on plain.  My grandmother loved it.  When I got old enough to drink it, I got her hip to the French Vanilla and Hazelnut flavors before she went on “to glory” as she would call Heaven.  :-)  Anywho, I digressed a little.  When a person has a thyroid condition, hyper functioning actually, coffee is not your friend unless it’s decaffeinated, which is what I get.  Only thing is, by the time I put sugars (yes because it’s a lot), flavored creams and all of this other stuff, shoot, I should’ve just gotten the regular type.  As I’m drinking it, I can feel the rush.  That’s what I love!  As I continue, it’s gets stronger.  Oh yes!  While I’m going through it, I can get things done.  That’s what I love and that’s why I do it.  Then comes the fall…

I can’t take that part.  The shakes, jitters, heart racing...just the sheer “coming down” part.  Is this what drug addicts feel?  I’m being serious when I ask this question.  I’m not being cheeky.  Why do I do this to myself?  Again, I like the feeling and I need to get things done.  The medication I’m taking stabilizes me to a point where I need the energy to do what I need to do.  Although now, maybe I’m just getting older too so I’m slowing down.  I don’t like that thought. :-)  Well, I have prayed for natural energy and sometimes I’ll get it only IF I allow myself to accept it, but then I miss my COFFEE sooooo much.  LOL

OK, so, no bible references I can think of to go with my story.  I just thought I’d write about this and share my experiences.  Although, if I think about it some more, I probably could come up with one like, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (KJV).”  There! see!  I did it!  I came up with one. :-)  But you know what?  I’ll still keep on with the flavored coffee drinking.  I just know to keep it at a minimum.  Do everything in moderation right?  The bible speaks on that too.  Yeah, I can go for that. :-)   By the way, I’m a huge tea drinker too but, that’s for another time.

The best talk show ever!

I was listening to Moody Radio one day about something while I was in the shower, (sometimes I do my best thinking there --- inspiration) and whatever the conversation was about, I was like, “Hey, prayer is like a talk show.  The only constant “celebrity” guest would be Jesus.”  Well, actually, Jesus would be the guest co-host.  Just like on the talk shows, we would talk about everything.  Life, His Word, friendships, work, etc. and catch up on old times.  My progress.  Just spill my heart out but then don’t forget to listen to Him too because He has a lot more interesting things to talk about.  

This is the way I have to approach prayer at times.  I remember hearing somewhere, a while ago, it’s like talking to GOD.  So, I’ve extended it to a “talk show” setting.  “Hello Jesus. Welcome. Today’s topic is ‘failure.’  Boy, I feel like I messed up today…”  I could have a talk about happier times like, “Jesus, today was pretty good.  I didn’t yell at the people upstairs making all of that noise.  I didn’t call drivers names on the road.  I just gave You praise all day today.  I’m feeling pretty good.  Are you pleased with me?  What do you have on Your heart today?”  Yes, this works out better for me.  

If we talk with Him more, our relationship  grows.  That’s how we can also develop our prayer life. Get use to talking with GOD the way we talk with our family and friends.  I find it’s really easy at times.  Every once in a while, I’ll treat it as if it’s a chore. I know that’s only the trick of the Enemy though because he doesn’t want me talking to GOD.  See, Satan knows that if my prayer life is stronger, then he’s in big trouble.  My knowledge of GOD’s word increases, Jesus is more prominent in my life and the Holy Spirit reigns supreme in my understanding, knowledge and discernment of Jesus and life.  

So, develop your own personal “talk show.”  Meet up with Jesus every day at a special time for you.  Name it if it helps.  Do whatever it takes to get that prayer life stronger, personalized and relationship on the right track.  You won’t regret it.  I know I don’t.  Even when I mess up at times (still human trapped in this flesh), I know I can tell Jesus what I’ve done, where I’ve failed and ask for strength to do and be better.  He’s my Friend, my Best Friend and everything else so He won’t leave me.  Now, take a look at this link and see for yourself what a relationship to Jesus means to Him.  http://prayer-coach.com/2012/12/25/jesus-receiving-his-birthday-gifts/

Also https://skitguys.com/videos/item/birthday-jesus  Same one but these guys are the creators.

I can't do it myself

I’ve been struggling with an old trait, behaviour, whatever you & I choose to call it, for a very long time.  I thought I had gotten it under control...but circumstances being as it is, I know I haven’t.  What continues to rear it’s ugly head is my out of control, bursting out emotions.

Yes, it gets ugly too.

It happens when I’m tired, exhausted, sleep-deprived, stressed, unhappy and doubtful.  Probably a few more adjectives that I can’t seem to name right now.  I’m getting stressed just writing this.  At times I’ve yelled at the neighbors above me because for years, they’ve been so darn noisy. There are times I feel as though I truly hate them. Terrible (smh).  Road rage is something else. No, I don’t yell at the other drivers, I just call them not so nice names i.e. “idiots, stupid, jerks…”  No cursing though.  I don’t go that far.  Still not nice though.  I always feel bad afterwards and even during especially when I tell myself to calm down BEFORE I get really riled up .  The people above me have always behaved in the manner they’ve displayed since I moved in and every driver is for themselves as if they are the proverbial “only ones on the road” blah, blah, blah.  My job is stressful (social work) and my co-worker doesn’t help the situation.  I need to get a grip on my emotions.

I think that a lot of the times I try to do it on my own accord.  I have to give it to GOD then leave it with Him, yet show Him that I mean it by not embracing the negative reaction I know I’m going to display if I don’t.  What use to work for me would be reciting words of praise and affirmation about my faith and Him when stress would come.  I’ve forgotten to do this now.  I’m ashamed at myself for this.  I’m not going to give up though.  I’m going to keep thanking GOD for deliverance from myself.  I’m going to ask the Holy Spirit for guidance and then receive it FOR REAL because GOD is REAL.

Well, anywho, this is my thought for today.  What’s on my heart.  If you’re going through the same thing of trying to control your out of control emotions, don’t give up.  Just give in---to the Creator who has created you and me for better things then acting like we’ve lost our minds. :-)

People pleasing vs. Integrity

I watched one of the most interesting movies on Lifetime called “Girl Fight.”  This movie was about a group of “mean/cool girls” in high school and the devastating effects of what could happen when one nice girl wants to fit in.  The movie started out with “Tina” (I forget the actual name) and her best friend talking and sharing their thoughts online about the “mean/cool girls.” Tina has a part-time job at a diner and she see the girls are there when she arrives.  They stick her with the bill but the leader of the group, “Patty” I’ll call her, promised she’ll pay her back at school the next day.  Well, do I need to say she doesn’t repay her?  The movie progresses to where the viewers watch Tina go against what she’s knows is smart and logical, to the acceptance of the groups antics just to be a part of them.  She eventually blows off her best friend from elementary school.  

Well, the old e-mails are discovered by one of the girls in the group who had become jealous of Tina’s and Patty’s closeness.  Once she tells Patty and the other girls about the e-mail, the revenge is on.  They trick Tina into coming over to Patty’s house.  The girl who discovered the e-mail beats Tina unmercifully, with a couple of other girls joining in and then they dump her off at a parking lot with threats of beating her again if she told.  She tells.

This movie had a few themes that I took away from it: compromising, pleasing others, jealousy, revenge and forgiveness.  Tina was so willing to compromise the beliefs her parents instilled in her, like how she should treat and respect herself and others, that she went against all of it just to be accepted by them.  Tina despised the way they treated others.  She used to make fun of the way they walked and dressed around the school as if they were important.  However, when Patty gave her the “opportunity” to become one of them, she morphed into them.  Tina knew she was only buying her way into their clique because she was the only one who had cash readily available, yet she didn’t care.  This only proved what was truly in her heart and she didn’t care how it came to fruition.  Tina even carried that behaviour over into her family life.  She mistreated her parents and tossed her little sister’s feelings aside when she wanted to celebrate Tina’s birthday.  The jealousy and revenge showed how it can take over one’s life if it isn’t controlled, as I mentioned before when the girls beat Tina.  Tina taught them and her parents a lesson in forgiveness by asking the court to not put the girls in an adult prison for 10 years (give or take a few years).  They received a year in juvenile, I think, and a few years of probation.  Tina’s best friend never held any bad feelings toward her mistreatment of her.  That spoke forgiveness also.

Jesus told us that we should forgive and to love our enemies who despitefully use us.  Now, on some things, I’m good with this.  On others, not so much.  I have to work on it by praying and asking for help to do it completely.  So, Jesus forgave all when He hung on the cross and He forgave one more on a cross next to Him.  He even extended that forgiveness by telling him he would be in Paradise with Jesus.  Read all about it in Matthew and Luke.  Heck, read all of the gospels.  Therefore, if Jesus can so easily forgive, and He has, who are we to say, “I can’t...won’t...never…forgive…!”  My last thought: we shouldn’t look to please others.  We can’t anyway because no one is ever really pleased with us and if so, what do they have that we really want?  What can they ever really give us?  I’d rather please the One who gave His life for me.  He sacrificed Himself for my liberty.  He’s all that matters and peep this:  He’ll never disappoint me and cause me to comprise myself just to be with Him.  Nope, He’s the answer for every situation and need in this life.

Who will you let in?

Two scenarios:

1. “Little Pig.  Little Pig! Let me in!”
2. (Sound of knocking on the door): “Hello?  Hello?  May I  come in?  Hello?  Please let Me come in.  Today I would like to spend time with you.  Today is the day I’m asking to have a relationship with you and you with Me.”

Now out of the two scenes, which one would you allow inside?  I’m sure you recognize the first demand from the children’s classic story, “The Three Little Pigs.”  The Wolf in the story, demands that each pig allows him access inside their homes to destroy them.  He’s able to get all but one.  That pig’s house and life was secured.  The second scene, if you didn’t catch on, is Jesus asking access into your heart.  He’s a gentleman so He won’t demand you to allow Him in.  It’s says in Revelation 3:20, “Behold, I stand at the door, and knock; if any man hear My voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with Me.” ( KJV)  So, GOD stands and waits...and waits...and waits...hoping you’ll let Him in.  

So, you say, “Well, He’s suppose to know everything.  He should know when I’m ready to be saved.”  That may well be BUT remember this, GOD has also given us FREE WILL so He will not force Himself on us.  He wants us to come to Him freely.  He isn’t like the Wolf or I should call him, Satan, who demands that we follow him and let him inside to destroy our lives, yet, that’s what happens if you don’t accept Jesus’ offer.  In Psalm 95:7c - 8 it reads, “Today, if you will hear His voice, Do not harden your hearts, as in the rebellion…” (NKJV)   In Proverbs 1:24 - 33 it speaks of when GOD tries to give wisdom and it’s refused.  Then when the Foolish begins to seek help for the mess he/she’s in, that person will be turned away.  I’m not sure how long but how terrible to have to deal with your own messy decisions when you could have opened yourself to His wisdom.  

Sit back and reflect on where your life is going and where it has been since you’ve been blessed to enter this brand new year of 2015.  Take inventory.  Be honest with yourself about whether you’re happy with where you are.  Could it be better?  Are you sure about eternity in regards to where you’ll spend it because you will spend it somewhere.  Believe me, we’ll all come to the truth when this life on earth is over.  

Are you paying attention to the “knock” at your heart?  How can you tell it’s a “knock?”  It could come in the form of uneasiness.  Maybe condemnation.  Perhaps a lot of awesome things are happening to you and you know you don’t deserve it.  It could be unwarranted sadness or a “presence that someone is lurking around” but you aren’t afraid.  Whatever form it takes, I believe it’s Him.  It could be this blog.  

So, the knock is there.  Do you open it?  One thing is certain: there is a knock.  You have to make a choice.  The Gentle Man, Jesus.  “Come on in Jesus.”   The wolf, Satan, the Destroyer.   “Let me in!”  The choice is yours.  Even if you refuse to make one or feel you don’t have to because it’s “fictional” well, you’ve already made the choice.  Think about it...

Are you searching for "Real Love?"

I have to admit this; I absolutely love Mary J. Blige.  Ever since she 1st came on the scene (for  me) with the song “Real Love,” I was feeling her music.  Now, at that time, I was a Christian.  A “straddling-the-fence-Christian” but a Christian nonetheless.  When it came to music, secular or non, if it sounded good to me and spoke to me, that was it.  Mary J. was it.  Now, allow me to explain.  :-)

At one point in my life, I was “in love” with someone I hoped was “in love” with me.  He said he was (in love) with me.  I believed him.  I wanted to believe him.  I needed to believe him because, again, I was “in love” with him.  He said he wanted to marry me; “put a ring on it” as one song stated, but alas, it wasn’t true.  Oh, he had given me the engagement ring but not the ring.  Well, really, that was my choice, but how could I continue on?  I’ll explain that part later.  So, back in that day, when this song came out, I wasn’t engaged but I was “in love.”  Yes! I thought “real love.”  Listening to Mary J’s song, “...someone to set my heart free...real love…” I truly hoped I had it.  I was never searching for love as her song spoke of but I wanted my heart free.  I knew that song spoke to something deep within me, but I couldn’t really hear where it was going.  IT was restless within me and I couldn’t understand why.  

I was dating that guy.  We said we loved each other.  “Someone to set my heart free…”.  I thought at one point he would love me enough to free my heart.  Free my heart from the pain of the running around with other females that he was “socializing” with.  Free my heart from the low self-esteem that I had developed, because I felt I wasn’t pretty enough or something to make him want to stay faithful to me.  Free my heart from the shame I felt when others knew before me that “....he’s playing you for a fool girl…” as told to me by others.  Free my heart to just be loved by him like I had loved him.  

SMH...wow.  I was a mess.  :-)

I finally and totally freed myself from him though.  I called off the wedding and freed us both.  Later on through the years, I heard the song again.  That time, I really listened to the words.  “Real Love...someone to set my heart free…” and man, it hit me.  My “Real Love” was/is in Jesus Christ.  He sets my heart free.  He loves me unconditionally.  Jesus would never cheat on me.  Jesus would never have me feel ashamed of loving Him.  All that time I was craving the real feeling of that love, when I had it all along.  If I hadn’t been living one foot with Jesus and one foot in the world it would have been apparent to me.  Just like Lisa Stansfield’s song, “ All Around The World” (loved that song as well), she was looking for her “baby” and I guess, in a way, I was looking for mine.  She said she had “...been around the world…” and she couldn’t find him.  Now, I went through all kinds of mess thinking I had “my baby” and I would stick with him when “my baby” was with me all along!  LOL  I’m laughing because if you had seen what kind of a wreck I was going through all of that and the revelation of hearing that song and what it spoke to me, you’d laugh at me too.  Yes, I can laugh at myself now; I couldn’t then though.  It wasn’t funny.  I was a mess.  A wreck.

Know this:

GOD loves us with an everlasting love.  He proved it when He came down from heaven in the form of a man, His Son, named Jesus Christ.  Jesus proved it when He hung on that sinner’s cross, died a brutal death, experiencing the unimaginable pain of it all, then raising up from the dead, retrieving the keys of life and death all for us.  He shows it every day by displaying His mercy and grace towards us when we don’t even deserve it.  He proves it to me in countless ways.  If you want to know GOD’s “real love” for you, pick up His Word in whatever manuscript you can understand: NKJV (New King James Version), AMP (Amplified), EV (English Version), The Message...etc.  Then read the gospels of Matthew, Mark and Luke.  Read Timothy, Psalm, Jude...it’s all there.  Genesis.  His “Real Love” will set your heart free too.  I’m free!!!